Hetkessä ystävänsä ikuisuuteen menettää ja se rikkoo vaikka on rikki jo ennestään

I'm so over and done with having to justify myself and what I like. I'm tired of explaining why I like this or that band or artist and telling people it's not the main thing that describes me as a person. I'm sad that people think your music taste is so important in you. I happen to be the type of person who falls hard for bands and their members and you could say I was born to be a fangirl, a word that itself has a bad sound to it. It's all stupid and prejudiced, not all us fangirls are those who mob celebrities and send letters to their parents' houses. In me the fangirlism shows in the way I emotionally attach to artists. Trust me, I didn't ask for this - the nights you spend staying up because your favourite band stars a shitty teenage tv programme or appear at a gala where they don't even get interviewed and then you miss their performance too, the feeling you get to your chest when you just physically feel you can't take any more feelings towards that person, the hours you spend crying listening to that same song over and over again... And the friends you make online. The ones you grow so close to you feel you've known them for years and then realise you will probably not ever meet the ones you've grown to love and call your best friends and then slowly let go of them. No, I definitely didn't ask for this.

And while all this happens, you have to go to school, work, uni or anything, to live your life normally, feeling like people around you in your everyday life don't understand what you feel and some of them do, some of them don't. Some mock you and tell your favourite bands just basically are shit, can't sing, have annoying singer or something equally couraging. Try to keep calm and explain rationally why you think this or that artist is good then. And some people can be such assholes they don't even listen to your Good Arguments because they're right with their original "Justin Bieber is gay and looks like a girl" points. (Have they seen a picture of him in 2013 ? Yeah, didn't think so. Is "gay" still insult in 2013 ? Yeah, for some it is. I really feel bad for them.)

Today a person I like and who I spend some amount of time with kept nagging about how lately I've started liking Cheek. The person is "shocked" of "how low you can go" and "you used to dislike him." Let's clear this up - if I don't like something once, it doesn't mean I'm never allowed to change my opinion. It hurts me when you insult an artist I like and appreciate. Also something bad's happened and Cheek's stuff has helped me a lot and I don't want to tell that person that so I just suck it up and tell them "yeah, I don't really know what happened." The person keeps making faces at me when I tell them about how I've bought tickets to One Direction's show, when I mention Union J or tell I've met some friend online. So lately I've stopped that. Your music taste isn't all there is to you, not even close, but it's a big part of you, not the bands or artists you like, but the fangirling culture. It hurts when people ignore things you tell them and are excited about because they're about things they don't understand - and don't want to, as we see from this example. I've tried explaining why I like some artists like One Direction, Sleeping With Sirens or Antti Tuisku, and usually end up getting a bad response.

So I just don't do it any more. I don't owe anyone anything about my music taste or of me being a fangirl. World is a tough enough place as it is even if your friends didn't make fun of the things you love and have no power over. Earlier in this text I said I didn't ask to be a fangirl. Yeah, I didn't, but I wouldn't change it to your narrow mind where it's impossible to understand things you don't like. I don't mean everyone should like bands I like - of course not, that'd be boring and there are loads of bands I don't like but who have a lot of fans. No, I want people to understand why someone else likes the artist and let them like them without questioning their sanity. I mean I highly dislike 5 Seconds of Summer or Blink 182 but do I run around telling their fans they're not decent human beings ? Take a guess.

I have a theory for this Cheek thing. It's a same as with Antti Tuisku in 2010 - the world, God or something wants me to find a certain artist or a band because they have a song that I'll need sooner or later. So I start liking them innocently, find the songs the world wants me to find before the catastrophe strikes. And when it does, I already know those songs and can rely on them and find comfort in them which prevents me from relieving the shock on some way worse ways. On these two cases it's worked, I basically got through 2010 with the help of Antti Tuisku's "Hengitän" record and I couldn't care less if it sounds funny how now Cheek's "Kuka muu muka" has been of huge help. Also Tich's song "Little by Little" was introduced to me for a reason. Thank you. 

I won't sit and listen to me being criticised for the things I like any longer. I have every right to be just this person I am and like just these things I like. 

These are not the memoirs of a queen or an empress. These are the memoirs of a different kind.

Memoirs of a fangirl. Suck that.