Pauliina kertoi blogissaan että hänen äitinsä oli googlettaessaan "oranssit hiukset" löytänyt kuvia Pauliinasta. Kokeilin samaa ja löysin myös kyseisen kuvan ja samalla salaa olin harmissani etten nähnyt yhtäkään kuvaa omista hiuksistani, mutta eiköhän mun hiuksia joistain googlehauista löydy. Muistan että tänne blogiin on tultu mm. hauilla poika hiukset, sidecut fashion, hayley williams hair ja liilat hiukset punaiset alta tai vastaavaa. Turha varmaan sanoa että ei mulla sellaista väriä ole ollut. Mitään kivoja hakusanoja ei oo viime aikoina ollu. Skarpatkaa vähä. Maanantaina on taas kampaaja enkä tiiä yhtään mitä keksitään mutta johan se onkin aika värin numero 27.

Syön keittämätöntä pastaa keittiön pöydän ääressä ja oon harkinnut nukkumaanmenoa ja tunnin - ja kello on 20.30. Huomenna pitää kuitenkin herätä jo neljä kolmekymmentä ja ulkona on kylmä. Elämä on tällä hetkellä töitä ja paikallaanjunnaavaa mietiskelyä. Usein vain nukun. Osallistuin vetoon, että saan joulukuun alkuun mennessä spagaatin. Onneks on perusliikkuvuus kohdillaan, mutta treeniä vaatii. Oon innoissani haasteesta. Huomenna töiden jälkeen lähden ajelemaan kohti Jyväskylää. Perjantaijunat on niin kalliita nykyään että kannattaa ajaa.

Voisin elää oliiveilla. Enää vähän vajaa kaks kuukautta Englantiin ja Union J.

Nyt se on ohi.

Hetkessä ystävänsä ikuisuuteen menettää ja se rikkoo vaikka on rikki jo ennestään

I'm so over and done with having to justify myself and what I like. I'm tired of explaining why I like this or that band or artist and telling people it's not the main thing that describes me as a person. I'm sad that people think your music taste is so important in you. I happen to be the type of person who falls hard for bands and their members and you could say I was born to be a fangirl, a word that itself has a bad sound to it. It's all stupid and prejudiced, not all us fangirls are those who mob celebrities and send letters to their parents' houses. In me the fangirlism shows in the way I emotionally attach to artists. Trust me, I didn't ask for this - the nights you spend staying up because your favourite band stars a shitty teenage tv programme or appear at a gala where they don't even get interviewed and then you miss their performance too, the feeling you get to your chest when you just physically feel you can't take any more feelings towards that person, the hours you spend crying listening to that same song over and over again... And the friends you make online. The ones you grow so close to you feel you've known them for years and then realise you will probably not ever meet the ones you've grown to love and call your best friends and then slowly let go of them. No, I definitely didn't ask for this.

And while all this happens, you have to go to school, work, uni or anything, to live your life normally, feeling like people around you in your everyday life don't understand what you feel and some of them do, some of them don't. Some mock you and tell your favourite bands just basically are shit, can't sing, have annoying singer or something equally couraging. Try to keep calm and explain rationally why you think this or that artist is good then. And some people can be such assholes they don't even listen to your Good Arguments because they're right with their original "Justin Bieber is gay and looks like a girl" points. (Have they seen a picture of him in 2013 ? Yeah, didn't think so. Is "gay" still insult in 2013 ? Yeah, for some it is. I really feel bad for them.)

Today a person I like and who I spend some amount of time with kept nagging about how lately I've started liking Cheek. The person is "shocked" of "how low you can go" and "you used to dislike him." Let's clear this up - if I don't like something once, it doesn't mean I'm never allowed to change my opinion. It hurts me when you insult an artist I like and appreciate. Also something bad's happened and Cheek's stuff has helped me a lot and I don't want to tell that person that so I just suck it up and tell them "yeah, I don't really know what happened." The person keeps making faces at me when I tell them about how I've bought tickets to One Direction's show, when I mention Union J or tell I've met some friend online. So lately I've stopped that. Your music taste isn't all there is to you, not even close, but it's a big part of you, not the bands or artists you like, but the fangirling culture. It hurts when people ignore things you tell them and are excited about because they're about things they don't understand - and don't want to, as we see from this example. I've tried explaining why I like some artists like One Direction, Sleeping With Sirens or Antti Tuisku, and usually end up getting a bad response.

So I just don't do it any more. I don't owe anyone anything about my music taste or of me being a fangirl. World is a tough enough place as it is even if your friends didn't make fun of the things you love and have no power over. Earlier in this text I said I didn't ask to be a fangirl. Yeah, I didn't, but I wouldn't change it to your narrow mind where it's impossible to understand things you don't like. I don't mean everyone should like bands I like - of course not, that'd be boring and there are loads of bands I don't like but who have a lot of fans. No, I want people to understand why someone else likes the artist and let them like them without questioning their sanity. I mean I highly dislike 5 Seconds of Summer or Blink 182 but do I run around telling their fans they're not decent human beings ? Take a guess.

I have a theory for this Cheek thing. It's a same as with Antti Tuisku in 2010 - the world, God or something wants me to find a certain artist or a band because they have a song that I'll need sooner or later. So I start liking them innocently, find the songs the world wants me to find before the catastrophe strikes. And when it does, I already know those songs and can rely on them and find comfort in them which prevents me from relieving the shock on some way worse ways. On these two cases it's worked, I basically got through 2010 with the help of Antti Tuisku's "Hengitän" record and I couldn't care less if it sounds funny how now Cheek's "Kuka muu muka" has been of huge help. Also Tich's song "Little by Little" was introduced to me for a reason. Thank you. 

I won't sit and listen to me being criticised for the things I like any longer. I have every right to be just this person I am and like just these things I like. 

These are not the memoirs of a queen or an empress. These are the memoirs of a different kind.

Memoirs of a fangirl. Suck that. 

Maybe I just wanna be yours

Viime aikoina mun elämässä ei oo tapahtunu paljon. Yritän tasapainotella koulun ja töiden välillä ja sen, että kumpaakaan ei oo kauheesti, mutta koulujuttuja pitäs saada tehtyä. Ihmeekseni eilen ja tänään sain väännettyä kasaan pari hommaa mitkä olikin sitte tosi helppoja ja nopeita. En oo kauheen hyvä aikatauluttaja ja vanhemmiten musta on tullu semilaiska mikä on ihan pebasta ja minkä toivon vielä muuttavani.

Oon asunu puol vuotta mun kodissa. Viime viikolla sain verhot, ja nyt täällä näyttää ja välillä tuntuukin kodilta. Aluks olin aina menossa ettei tarvii olla täällä, olin kotona ja kävin vaa nukkumassa täällä... Nyt pystyn olemaan täällä melko helposti koko päivän astumatta ulos kertaakaan. Kaipaisin tänne lisää vaatesäilytystilaa koska mulla ei oo liikaa vaatteita, vaan liian vähän tilaa varastoida ne. Joku joskus kerran pyys että esittelisin tän boksin ja meinasin sen tehäkin, mutta musta ei tunnu miellyttävältä esitellä tätä ihmisille joita en tunne joten tyydyn kertomaan hyviä juttuja kodistani:

• asun 1. kerroksessa ja asunnon numero on 56 - 156 again
• mun vessan ovessa on kuukausittain vaihtuva Pop star of the month - tällä hetkellä kansanäänestyksellä valittu Selena Gomez
• mun "ensiapukaappi" on peltinen kuningatar Elisabeth -boksi, joka on pystyssä jääkaapin päällä ja sieltä hyväksyvästi hymyilee keittiöön
• keittiön seinällä on you me at six -keikkajuliste kehystettynä (en ollu ko. keikalla), ja mun huoneessa on seinällä hayley williams, little mix ja 1d leffajuliste
• mulla on verhot joissa on norsuja - toi kangas mistä kuva 
• keittiön seinällä on myös 1d muovipussi. joo
• mun hella on paras. se on /ikivanha/ ja siinä on punasta ja lämpenee nopeesti eli sairaan nopee ja värikäs
• mun huoneessa on vaaterekki jonkinlaisena tilanjakajana ja käytän sitä sisustuselementtinä vaihtelemalla siinä olevia vaatteita
• keittiön oven yläpuolella on ikkuna ja sen ikkunalaudalla on myös pieni kurkisteleva kuningatar Elisabeth (omistan myös mukin ja teepurkin. fani)
• mun kallein aarre on Kartellin Louis Ghost -tuoli (myös pitkälti ainoo sisustusjuttu mistä oon koskaan ollu erityisen kiinnostunut)
• mulla on nii paljon mukeja, laseja ja pyyhkeitä että voisin perustaa kaupan tai kutsua kaikki tän taloyhtiön ihmiset kahville samaan aikaan
• mulla on vieraskirja, johon saa liimata vanhoja spice girls -valokuvia entryjen yhteyteen. aiheuttaa suurta iloa vieraissa

Siinä varmaan ne tärkeimmät tulikin... Toivon että mun seinät on yhtä paksut ku oletan niiden olevan, koska usein kuuntelen musiikkia semikovalla ja biletän. Mun keittiön ja huoneen välinen seinä ainaki on paksu, kutsun tätä boksia bunkkeriks koska aluks 3g ei oikee toiminu ja tosiaa jos radio on päällä huoneessa, ei se kuulu keittiöön ellei se oo semi kovalla. Tätä paikkaa kutsutaan myös Prinsessalinnaks (Prinsessan käsikirja on esillä keskeisellä paikalla), Käpsäksi (Käpylä) ja tosiaan bunkkeriksi. 

Jostain syystä mua taas inspaa tää blogi vähän. Mulla on paljon sanottavaa mutta ei sellasista asioista mistä haluisin täällä kirjottaa. Lueskelin vanhoja entryjä ja ärsyttää et oon käyttäny jotain weheartit -kuvia tms jotka ei oo enää olemassa ni puolissa postauksista ei oo enää kuvia. Joo. Päivitin muuten ton "meikä" osuuden, viimeks olin tainnu joskus puoltoista vuotta sitten... 

Arvoton oot mut entä mä sitten

Eilen muistin miten pahoja asioita vuonna 2010 tapahtui. Tiesin sen tietysti jo silloin, mutta nyt monta vuotta myöhemmin, enemmän aikuisena mä todella arvostan sitä, että 17-18-vuotiaana selvisin siitä kaikesta, nimittäin todella haavoittuvaisia ikiä.. Teini-ikästen juttuja ei kannattais ikinä aliarvioida, ei aikuisena voi tietää miten kauheilta asiat tuntuu. Mä en laske itteäni vielä aikuiseks, mutta tunnistan itsestäni jo sen aikuisaspektin, että en täysin ymmärrä kaikkia teinien murheita. En haluis että se pääsee vallalle. Mä oon ylpeä itsestäni, että I've made it to 21 this sane.

Kuuntelin Antti Tuiskun Hengitän-levyä taas ja löysin lyriikoita jotka sopii liian hyvin tähän hetkeen, ja alempi oli yks eniten quoted silloin 2010 myös.

arvoton oot mut entä mä sitten

kun mulle riittää sinusta rippeet

niissä tiukasti mä olen kii

ja myös 

en pääse irti

mä valun hukkaan

sä et sitä edes huomaa

Onneks kivun unohtaa. Mä tiedän että silloin sattui tosi paljon, mutta en pysty tuntemaan sitä enää. 2010 kipu ei oo enää olemassa, 2013 on korvannu sen. Koska 2010 meni aikanaan pois, niin menee myös 2013. 

"For all the things that you're alive to feel / just let the pain remind you hearts can heal"

I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out, talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder

This is an open love letter to a British girl group Little Mix. I'm writing it in English, because I have way more friends who'll understand my love for them in the english speaking world than there are in my first language world. Little Mix won UK's X Factor in 2011, and in my life they creeped in mid-2012.

Dear Little Mix, 

This was the first group picture I saw of you. I didn't fall in love immediately, but it didn't take long either. Your X Factor songs made and some still make me cry. (I just watched "Don't let go" and cried like I haven't had seen it 200 times before.)  I'm very sensitive when it comes to people making their dreams come true... And that's what you four amazing women have had the chance to do.

I'm 21 years young, a few months older than Jade. I'm still so lost in my life, but you have showed me things that I want to be able to do. I love your determination, how you don't give up. Nothing stopped Jesy from achieving her dream when cyber bullies tried to take her down. All of you have got crap because of your boyfriends, nowadays mostly Perrie, and she takes zero bullshit and stands up for herself. You're an item, a team, a band and you remind me of the times when I was in a (synchronized skating) team, when I had other girls to call my sisters (I don't have a biological sister). You also make me feel like home in your "fandom" - I've made amazing Mixer friends from all around the world.

I adore your music. Wings is to date the best first single for any band. It shows off your different singing voices and abilities, the lyrics are powering and it's catchy and upbeat. Since hearing it for the first day it premiered, I've loved it. It's me and my best friend's favourite song and it's kind of a guideline to how I want to live my life. Water off my wings, they said. I was like a proud mum when DNA came out. There's literally one song on the album I'm not too fond of, and that's exceptional for a record - to add, a debut record. DNA is a great pop album, and as Little Me and Move have showed us, I'm sure Album 2 will be a hit too. Little Me is literally what I need now, and you delivered at the rightest time of my life. 

I feel protective over you, but I know you don't need my protection. You're international popstars, travelling the world, helping and inspiring girls and some boys everywhere on the planet, every day. People look up to you, they love you, you've even saved some lives. I wonder what it feels like. I'm so crazy proud of you. You've taken in the fame so well, you don't seem to take anything for granted, you work for your success. And as far as I know, no one of you has done anything too stupid in front of the media. And for that, I congratulate you. Keep that direction .xx

Alexa Chung has said that girls can rule the music world, but only one band at a time. There's no question about who that band is at the moment. Your stage choreographics, lyrics, music videos and everyday outfits show you are strong, independent girls who can somewhat do what they want. Girl Power as they say. I look up to you a lot, but at the same time I feel like I could easily be your friend if I got a chance. I haven't seen you, haven't met you because I live in a small Nordic country I doubt you'll ever go to. I tried seeing you this summer though, flew to England for the V Festival where you were supposed to perform, but I don't know why you didn't. I also went to 1D's movie premiere but didn't see you there either. I wanted to go to DNA tour but unfortunately I had school stuff here. But I try not to give up, if you ever come to a country near me there won't be a reason I'm missing that.

And I love your style. Perrie is, along with Alexa Chung and Hayley Williams, one of my biggest style icons. I always watch closely what you're wearing, how your hair is done and get inspired. I often think "what would a Little Mix member do" when I'm picking my outfit. I own similar and exact same items of clothing as you do, and when I get told I "look like Perrie" or "Jade could wear that outfit" it's honestly the best compliment I can get on my looks. Stay amazing.

When my best friend or I are sad we tell each other that we should do things you would do or dress like you would to make us feel better. You've brought me and the bestie closer and I'm so grateful for that. I'm so happy you four exist. Some days I just am sad though because I won't ever do what you do but I've grown to know, partly thanks to you, what I want and could do. 

And I'm living by the lyrics of Move, "get your back off the wall / don't you get comfortable" - I need to step out of my comfort zone to reach what I want. I don't have a simple way to put what I feel for you (as you might have noticed), but let's at least say I LOVE YOU. And I thank you for all you've done. I hope I one day get my chance to meet you and tell you things. This year you've helped me through some really unpleasant things. THANK YOU. As we say in Finland, "kiitos".

Stay gold .xxxx

meri

Ps. HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY LEIGH-ANNE xxxxxo